Sunday, June 13, 2010

Child Abuse

I love my Saturdays!! Absolutely love them!! Traditionally, I forget to turn off my alarm on my cell, so I end up waking up at 6:30 in the morning. (This is because I normally stumble in around 1:00 or 2:00 from Friday night and I’m too tired to remember to turn off my alarm.)

After hitting the Chi Gong of an alarm, I normally just snooze myself back into a delicious slumber, and then around 9:00 I’ll wake up. I’ll just lay in bed and contemplate what the events for the day will be.

Today was no exception to the rule. I was thinking about going to the Farmer’s Market and buying some strawberries for Sunday afternoon crepes. Or perhaps I’d like to go for a short hike and enjoy this beautiful mild summer weather! Then I contemplated going to the park and working on my serve. (I know all you married people with kids reading this are just a tad envious. Don’t deny it. I can see a bit of drool starting to form at the corner of your mouth from jealously. Will you please clean that up? Thanks. Oh, and I think I smell a diaper. You might want to change that too. . .)

So around 11, I lazily rolled out of bed, took a shower, put on some jazz music and lollygagged around the house. I decided I needed to return some items to Target, which lead to window shopping for sofas at a near by store, (which I don’t need) and a bed, (which I kinda need) and clothes, (which I need an additional walk-in closet for.)

And after being satisfied with window shopping, I realized it was 3:00 and I was hungry. So I called up my favorite Thai restaurant and placed an order to go. Now, this place was in American Fork, and I was in Orem; a three city drive away. The thought entered my mind to stop and visit my parent’s on the way, but I hurried and dismissed it. “I’ll see them tomorrow,” I justified. “Even though I’ll be in their neighborhood, I won’t drop by to say hi.” (Real nice daughter, huh?)

It started to rain about then, and as I was driving down Main Street in American Fork, the grey BMW in front of my stopped abruptly and being the cautious driver I am, I stopped with plenty of space between us. (My driving problem is speeding, which we learned a few months ago. When the state trooper asked me why I was going 85 in a 65, I told him the truth: “Officer, I’m not gonna lie. I just came from a really awesome party, where there were actually boys—CUTE boys!! And they’re single!!! And I’m single!! And I just found out that I’m a decent wing-girl because I totally help distract this one girl from this one cute guy so my friend could talk to him and get his digits.

"AND I’m listening to my favorite song by Kelly Clarkson, which btw, she is the best Idol and I love how she sorta chunked up because it makes me feel better about myself. I mean, how many white girls make a size 12 plus look good? She has totally boosted my self-esteem in being averaged sized and white AND single at that!! Because we know, I do not hook up! That’s what Kelly has taught me.

"But most importantly, the real reason why I was speeding, was because everyone was going 55 in a 65 and it was bothering me. I’m sure the reason was you. I hate how everyone slows down when they see a cop, and to be honest, I would have slowed down too if I saw you. But obviously, I didn’t see you.

"And I really, really, really have to pee. Did you know I held it for almost 2 days straight when I was 19? I’d guess you didn’t know that because we just met, but you asked why I was speeding and I know from sad experience it’s not good to have bladder which floweth over. Yeah, not a good story. Bladder infections are painful and I needed to relieve myself.”

He dropped the ticket from 20 to 5 over. I think he liked how honest I was. And yes, I really had to pee. And yes, I did hold if for almost 2 days. And yes, Kelly Clarkson rules!)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. . .the HUGE suburban in back of me stopped, or so I thought. However, the red explorer in back of him did not.

This is about the time in my blog I would put in some witty physics equation and tell you the mathematical reasoning, or gravitational pull and the viscosity of the liquids on the road to explain the fender bender. However, I got a D in my physics class at BYU and I have retained nothing from that class. Not even what the text book looked like. Therefore, I won’t bore you with advanced physics. The only word I’ll use to describe the experience is:

BANG!!! Or perhaps. . . CRASH!!! Or. . . BLU-MISH. . . you choose whatever you’d like.

I feel so bad for my CaBella (my Camry). Her bum is thrashed! Before I called the police, I took pictures. (Because it’s not everyday I’m in a fender bender! Woo-hoo! Part-ay! That and I’m Virginia Jacobson, granddaughter of Virginia Fish who always has a camera on her and takes pictures of everything!)

I ended up calling my parents and asking them to pick me up. When all the paperwork was written and exchanged, CaBella in a automotive body repair shop, the cold Thai food picked up and medicine taken for the headache and whip-flash, my mother looked into her rearview mirror while driving her Avalon, (which I drove and hit my sister’s car, but we won’t talk about that. . . ) and said: “Honey, I’m glad you’re safe. I’m glad you’re not at fault. But dear, you know all of this could have been avoided if you would have come by our place first.”

Oh, the guilt!!! I’m still planning on coming out to their place for Sunday dinner. . .but I’m looking for a ride. Do you think you could help?

I'm not all that upset. There was a small scratch on the bumper from the previous owner which bothered me. And now, that'll be fixed! Way to look at the glass half full!!


Yeah, this is why people buy SUVs or at least compact SUVs. Eveidently they don't bash like little sedans.

Favorite thing about this pic. . . look at the business in the background!